Dear Editor,
If you’ve been paying attention to the outrage calendar, you’ll know that today we move into June: Pride Month Edition – the annual season where:
- straight men forget how advertising works
- GB News enters DEFCON 1
- and somewhere, a grown adult has a meltdown over a rainbow on a packet of Skittles.
To help you survive the incoming froth, here’s a quick guide:
🕺 Channel your inner drama queen – but selectively. Not every poorly lit profile pic with a St George’s Cross needs a rebuttal. Some battles aren’t worth the glitter. Save your energy for the bigots with range – the ones who can spell “indoctrination” but still think drag queens are plotting to take over the National Trust.
🙂 Deploy strategic indifference. Nothing enrages a performative bigot more than not being the main character. A well-timed yawn or an “oh, are we doing this again?” can short-circuit even the most committed culture warrior.
🧠 “I’m not homophobic, but…” Always is. Always. Every time. No exceptions. This is like someone saying “I’m not a pyromaniac, I just enjoy fire recreationally.” Smile. Block. Hydrate.
🎽 The closet is getting crowded. Every year, without fail, there’s one Very Straight Man™ who rants just a bit too hard and ends up on Grindr by the weekend. We’re not judging – just don’t take your identity crisis out on the rest of us.
📢 No, we don’t need to tone it down. Every Pride, someone insists that “we’d accept you more if you weren’t so in-your-face.” Translation: “Be quiet enough that I can ignore your humanity in peace.” No thanks.
💅 Remember: their panic is performative. If someone screams “degeneracy!” because of a glittery flag or two men holding hands, that says more about their internet history than your outfit.
🐻 Don’t forget the joy. Pride is protest, yes – but it’s also pleasure. It’s found family, it’s first kisses, it’s bad eyeliner and worse decisions, and it’s every reason we didn’t give up when they wanted us to. Let that joy be louder than their shame.
So yes, it’s that time again.
The rainbow-washing is real.
The bad takes are plentiful.
And somewhere right now, a man named Darren is rewriting Beowulf to remove queer subtext.
Be loud. Be weird. Be safe. Be loved.
And if all else fails – weaponise sarcasm.
🏳️🌈 Happy Pride 🏳️🌈
The Bear
