Operation Hillman Minx
The Occupants
10 Downing St
Dear Boris and Carrie,
How are you both? This email is a bit awkward, but there’s quite a flap on here and I’ve been asked to send out this boring questionnaire to you (and quite a few others, but not sure I’ve all their email addresses).
Don’t worry, you’re not under caution, but I’m relying on you answering these questions truthfully! They (sorry about the pompous language) relate to alleged incidents during the lockdown periods of 2020 and 2021. Please tick whichever box you feel appropriate.
A. Alleged Garden Party on May 15 2020
Were you:
- Dead-heading the roses during a quick break in a cabinet meeting
- Raising money at a socially-distanced charity event for the Disabled Gardeners Benevolent Fund
- Consulting with work colleagues on horticultural aspects of climate change (definitely a work-related event)
B. Alleged Christmas Quiz Dec 15 2020
Were you:
- Conducting a perfectly legitimate annual performance review on-line, conforming to all rules and regulations
- Rehearsing your role in the annual Downing St pantomime ‘Ask the Family’
- Rehearsing your hard-working staffers (on-line) for any future quizzing by, er, the Met’s finest
C. Alleged Downing St ‘Flat Party’
Were you
- Testing the acoustic qualities of a fabric selection with Lulu Lyte
- Holding a brainstorming session with expert advisors on the wording of Dominic Cummings leaving card
- Going through your red boxes with the HI-FI playing ‘Go Now’ and ‘Santa Claus is Coming to Town’
I know I can rely on you to be totally transparent in the spirit of this enquiry. Must have you round again soon.
Best,
Jane xx
