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The scourge of automated telephone systems

Theseus himself would have had a hard time navigating the labyrinth that is today's typical automated customer service system.

Madge McClarybyMadge McClary
May 18, 2022
in Business, Humour, UK
Waiting on the phone.

Waiting on the phone. Photo by PxHere (CC0)

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Frustrated by automated telephone systems? I’d be surprised if you weren’t! They’ve become an invasive species. Customer service is doomed if we don’t demand some drastic pruning.

First, the preamble – all our calls are monitored etc. etc. Then, it’s press 1 for this; press 2 for that; press 3 for something else and the waiting clock starts to tick.

You listen to the options and press the one you think applies to your query, only to be told that you are sixth in the queue. You hang on. Then the interminable loop of music begins, interrupted by: “Your call is important to us” and “sorry to keep you waiting an operative will be with you shortly.” The clock keeps on ticking.  If and when you finally manage to speak to a human being, it’s entirely possible to discover that you are through to the wrong department. Frustration rising, you find yourself back to square one;  left on hold while you wait to be transferred; left to the mercy of the music and those interjections oozing with insincerity. By now, at least twenty minutes has probably ticked by.

Finally, a human!

Eventually when you actually manage to speak to someone and you have explained the reason for your call for a second, or even a third time, that frustration has turned to anger. Sound familiar?

Vanished from the High Street are the local branches of Utility companies, places where you could sort out problems quickly. Banks are closing their branches at an alarming rate and many large towns no longer have a police station that is open to the public.   Ever tried ringing your GP at 8.30 in the morning, held in a queueing system for over half an hour, only to be told that all the appointments had been allocated by the time you finally reach the end of the queue?

Better things to do than wait

How many of us have the time, patience, and in some cases, the money, to spend hours on hold waiting to be connected to ‘All and Sundry plc’ or Public Service?  Ask anyone you know and I guarantee they’d jump at the chance to tell you their own, similar stories. 

What are we left with?  “Check our website” – “send us an email” – “call us on this number.” How did this happen? Why were we, the customers, not consulted? What about the people who don’t have computers, smart phones, Internet access? What about those who may not be able to use the technology? Who benefits? Hardly ever the customer!

What’s the solution? At the very least, a “leave a message and we will call you back” option might take the sting out of the tail when confronted with “lines are very busy at the moment.”

The digital world and automated telephone systems are here to stay but that shouldn’t mean communication systems can’t change for the better. (We have the technology!) If nothing changes, then very soon we might all be pressing option 4 to spontaneously combust!


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Madge McClary

Madge McClary

Madge currently works as a teacher in a Language school in Cambridge, and as a BMAT Examiner for Cambridge Assessment. She has had articles published in the BJGP and in local newspapers in her home town of Bishop’s Stortford.

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